Well this summer is almost over and I am really glad about that. I really want to get this last semester finished up, get my degree, and quit walmart. I'm still not really sure what I am going to do about grad school. I want to go, and I am willing to put out the time, effort, and money needed to get a masters degree but I'm not so sure how to go about it. That MEXT scholarship is still my number one plan but it seems like the acceptance rate is lower then I thought and I have to go first as a research student then take the entrance exam in order to become a graduate student. Then there comes the issue of what exactly do I study. I am interested in Japanese history or society or something like that but if I get a degree in that then I am kind of stuck being just a teacher. Not that I wouldn't enjoy being a teacher but I would like more options. If I do something like international relations or international business that gives me more job opportunities but would be far more boring to study. And then what if I don't get the scholarship? Do I go into U of A's tiny Japanese studies grad program? Study abroad through U of A again? Maybe go to U of Hawaii or something.
Tucon was fun but because I didn't wear a costume I felt so out of place (even though I didn't wear normal clothes either) so I really have to make a costume for saboten con this fall but I can't get started on it until I get some fabric so I need to go shopping soon. I am going to go as leon belmont from the ps2 castlevania game.
Guess thats that
Monday, August 17, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Just waiting for the summer to be over
Well another blog post without anything amazing happening. I didn't go to some 1000 year old temple or watch the cherry blossoms fall like my older posts. Just waisting my time at home until its time to go work at walmart then waist time there till its time to go home. I really dislike the summers, its been pretty much the same thing for 4 years. I really miss school, because when you go to school you can say you did something that moved you forward in life. Even if its just a bit. When I'm just working I'm standing still and I can't stand it.
I've calmed down about the whole missing Japan thing. I mean I still really miss it but I'm getting used to America now. I sent off an email to Waseda daigaku asking about thier graduate program so I'm making my plans to go back. I don't think I'm going to teach English in Japan now. The application process for it is kind of a pain and I need to make sure I am here to be able to do all of it.
So anime tucon is coming up pretty soon and that should be a lot of fun. I have a really good idea for a pannel but I need one other person who knows Japanese to do it with me. What I was thinking is going over all of the books and programs out there that claim to teach japanese and I'll give my opinion if they are worth it or not. I emailed someone on the forms who is supposed to know Japanese but I haven't got a response back and the dead line for pannel applications is the 24th.
No real updates on other fronts, still no girl friend. Still just a few friends in this whole state. Maybe I'll meet some cool people at the con.
Well thats that
I've calmed down about the whole missing Japan thing. I mean I still really miss it but I'm getting used to America now. I sent off an email to Waseda daigaku asking about thier graduate program so I'm making my plans to go back. I don't think I'm going to teach English in Japan now. The application process for it is kind of a pain and I need to make sure I am here to be able to do all of it.
So anime tucon is coming up pretty soon and that should be a lot of fun. I have a really good idea for a pannel but I need one other person who knows Japanese to do it with me. What I was thinking is going over all of the books and programs out there that claim to teach japanese and I'll give my opinion if they are worth it or not. I emailed someone on the forms who is supposed to know Japanese but I haven't got a response back and the dead line for pannel applications is the 24th.
No real updates on other fronts, still no girl friend. Still just a few friends in this whole state. Maybe I'll meet some cool people at the con.
Well thats that
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Living in America
Well its been over a month since I came back from Japan and quickly it is all feeling like a distant memory. I'm just going through the mundane every day life I had before I left. Wake up, mess around the house for a few hours, go to work, come home, mess around some more go to bed. Its the same thing almost every single day. I don't get out and do anything cool any more. I don't even see my friends that often, I've only seen Cameron a hand full of times since I've been back. I tried to make plans with him but I felt like I was in Japan again in the sense that we both had to take a look at our schedules and plan something a week from now. It was so cool in Japan spending all of that time with everyone. I just had to send out an email saying "anyone want to go see a movie?" and I would have a group to go do something with.
I'm still having a hard time being back in America. I don't like driving, I didn't like it that much before and now I really dislike it. Cars are expensive, dangerous and require all of your attention to drive them. I really miss the trains, you just wait a few minutes, board the train and just read a book or play a game. Its so easy. I also really don't care for the food. I have a really hard time finding stuff to eat for lunch because nothing looks good. Also I never feel good after eating American food. I know I put a few pounds on in Japan but man I really want Japanese cooking.
Another big thing that is bothering me is the fact that no one is impressed with the fact that I know Japanese. Like no body cares that I spent a year in Japan. I mean thats a really cool thing, I know a lot about Japan now, I can read manga and watch anime raw now! Before I went I thought anyone who could do those things was really cool but now no one thinks I'm cool. Its so unfair. I even get some people now and again who still think they know more about Japan then I do. I don't get it what do I have to do for people to think highly of me?
I feel as if being here, working at walmart, and the way no one seems to care about my accomplishments, is all trying to get me to forget all that I did. Like I am supposed to just go back to being just a normal guy. I mean like in Japan I was someone special. No celebrity or anything like that but Japanese people were really impressed with the fact that I knew Japanese. And like there were lots of downsides too but in a crowd of people in Japan I stood out. I dunno I guess I just miss being special.
I guess for now I am just running down the clock until school starts. At least once school starts I can take institute classes to hopefully make more friends, have Friday nights off to do more stuff and have Saturdays free to finally go to TASS meetings. I hope between all of that I can somehow get a girlfriend because I really need one of those right now.
I'm still having a hard time being back in America. I don't like driving, I didn't like it that much before and now I really dislike it. Cars are expensive, dangerous and require all of your attention to drive them. I really miss the trains, you just wait a few minutes, board the train and just read a book or play a game. Its so easy. I also really don't care for the food. I have a really hard time finding stuff to eat for lunch because nothing looks good. Also I never feel good after eating American food. I know I put a few pounds on in Japan but man I really want Japanese cooking.
Another big thing that is bothering me is the fact that no one is impressed with the fact that I know Japanese. Like no body cares that I spent a year in Japan. I mean thats a really cool thing, I know a lot about Japan now, I can read manga and watch anime raw now! Before I went I thought anyone who could do those things was really cool but now no one thinks I'm cool. Its so unfair. I even get some people now and again who still think they know more about Japan then I do. I don't get it what do I have to do for people to think highly of me?
I feel as if being here, working at walmart, and the way no one seems to care about my accomplishments, is all trying to get me to forget all that I did. Like I am supposed to just go back to being just a normal guy. I mean like in Japan I was someone special. No celebrity or anything like that but Japanese people were really impressed with the fact that I knew Japanese. And like there were lots of downsides too but in a crowd of people in Japan I stood out. I dunno I guess I just miss being special.
I guess for now I am just running down the clock until school starts. At least once school starts I can take institute classes to hopefully make more friends, have Friday nights off to do more stuff and have Saturdays free to finally go to TASS meetings. I hope between all of that I can somehow get a girlfriend because I really need one of those right now.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Feeling uneasy back home
So I've been home for around 3 weeks now and I guess you could say I've gotten back into the swing of things. I'm back at work now and I'm glad to have a job that I could start right away and make the money I need this summer, but I feel really uneasy, for lack of a better word, working there. Its the same thing I was doing a year ago with the same people complaining about the same thing they were a year ago. Being there just makes me feel like that big wonderful adventure I had, never happened. I feel like I'm just right back to where I was and that my life hadn't moved forward at all.
Its not just my job though that is making me feel uneasy, everything about America is just not sitting right. Like don't get me wrong I've come to love and appreciate this country so much more then I did before and I really think that while there is not "best" country, America is certainly the most blessed country. But when I am driving around town I just don't like the fact that everything is so far away. Everything is too spread out, I want the compact-ness of Japan. Food is also bothering me. I can't find anything aside from sweets that I actually want to eat. At lunch at work or going out to eat I look over my options a million times and none of it looks appetizing at all. Eating the food is ok, but I've only eaten a few things that I thought were actually delicious since coming home.
Being at home too I often feel uneasy. I have TONS of movies, games, and tv shows to catch up on but I can't really find myself wanting to do any of them for long period of time. I've only played my 360 for maybe 6 hours total since being home. I really just want to watch tons of anime because I really enjoy hearing Japanese. I started playing this stupid PSP game with Julie called Idolmasters but I found myself hooked just because it was in Japanese and its fun to try and keep up with whats being said. But I dunno I just feel really off being at home in general.
Add in the fact that my social life in Tucson is pretty much just one person, as compared to the amazing friendship we all shared at Konan, and I feel the hands of depression/frustration trying to pull me down already.
So what do I do? That is the question I have been lamenting over for quite some time now. I am going to do everything in my power to get that MEXT scholarship and go to grad school in March 2011, I graduate from U of A December 2009, so I have 13 months that I need to do something. I guess I could search for regular office job and just live in Tucson for 13 months waiting but I might go crazy with that unless something really interesting happened in my life. There might be a chance to work teaching English in Japan from Jan 2010 to Dec 2010 but that might run into a problem with my interview for the MEXT scholarship that takes place at the Japanese embassy in LA. I might find a way around that, maybe I can go to some head office in Japan or something but even if I could do that, would I really want to do 3 years, almost 4 straight living in Japan? Another idea I had was to do a summer english program in China.
So I really don't know what to do, and the one thing that would help me to actually figure it all out, I can't seem to find; a wife. I'm back to the frustration of living in Sahuarita, AZ where I can't meet people my age. I went to institute and singles ward and no one seemed to really care that I was there. I mean a few people at church were like "oh hey your back, how was Japan" but that's about the extent of it. That's another thing, I'm having a hard time recapturing the enthusiasm for church that I had while in Japan. I really miss the small ward where everyone was friends with each other and really cared for each other and the just specialness of it being Japan and all.
In closing I dunno, life just feels off here. I miss Japan a lot right now, I really do.
Its not just my job though that is making me feel uneasy, everything about America is just not sitting right. Like don't get me wrong I've come to love and appreciate this country so much more then I did before and I really think that while there is not "best" country, America is certainly the most blessed country. But when I am driving around town I just don't like the fact that everything is so far away. Everything is too spread out, I want the compact-ness of Japan. Food is also bothering me. I can't find anything aside from sweets that I actually want to eat. At lunch at work or going out to eat I look over my options a million times and none of it looks appetizing at all. Eating the food is ok, but I've only eaten a few things that I thought were actually delicious since coming home.
Being at home too I often feel uneasy. I have TONS of movies, games, and tv shows to catch up on but I can't really find myself wanting to do any of them for long period of time. I've only played my 360 for maybe 6 hours total since being home. I really just want to watch tons of anime because I really enjoy hearing Japanese. I started playing this stupid PSP game with Julie called Idolmasters but I found myself hooked just because it was in Japanese and its fun to try and keep up with whats being said. But I dunno I just feel really off being at home in general.
Add in the fact that my social life in Tucson is pretty much just one person, as compared to the amazing friendship we all shared at Konan, and I feel the hands of depression/frustration trying to pull me down already.
So what do I do? That is the question I have been lamenting over for quite some time now. I am going to do everything in my power to get that MEXT scholarship and go to grad school in March 2011, I graduate from U of A December 2009, so I have 13 months that I need to do something. I guess I could search for regular office job and just live in Tucson for 13 months waiting but I might go crazy with that unless something really interesting happened in my life. There might be a chance to work teaching English in Japan from Jan 2010 to Dec 2010 but that might run into a problem with my interview for the MEXT scholarship that takes place at the Japanese embassy in LA. I might find a way around that, maybe I can go to some head office in Japan or something but even if I could do that, would I really want to do 3 years, almost 4 straight living in Japan? Another idea I had was to do a summer english program in China.
So I really don't know what to do, and the one thing that would help me to actually figure it all out, I can't seem to find; a wife. I'm back to the frustration of living in Sahuarita, AZ where I can't meet people my age. I went to institute and singles ward and no one seemed to really care that I was there. I mean a few people at church were like "oh hey your back, how was Japan" but that's about the extent of it. That's another thing, I'm having a hard time recapturing the enthusiasm for church that I had while in Japan. I really miss the small ward where everyone was friends with each other and really cared for each other and the just specialness of it being Japan and all.
In closing I dunno, life just feels off here. I miss Japan a lot right now, I really do.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Back home
Well its been about a week and a half being back home in America. The plane ride was not that bad actually and I was crying coming off the airplane because I was just so happy to see my family again. I had a huge culture shock seeing how big America really is and how beautiful of a place we all live in. I was also really surprised to see how everyone looked so different. I got so used to everyone being Japanese and me being the one guy who was different in a crowd. It was also really weird to see the way clerks and sales people talk to customers, we are all so laid back and friendly. Of course I also had the culture shock of seeing American prices, DVDs, games, transportation, all of that stuff is so cheap. In fact seeing everything so cheap has really made me want to not pirate stuff anymore. Like Japanese people pay crazy amounts for their entertainment stuff but pirate way less then we do. I feel that I ought to be more appreciate what America has and "be honest with my dealings with my fellow man".
So the first weekend back I spent with Cameron, Tyler, Heather and Rob. It was a lot of fun. Other then that I've spent time at home and I'm already feeling really restless. Like I can't stay inside all day just playing video games or watching anime. I love doing those things but I need to get out and do something productive with my time.
I went to institute on Wednesday night and it was a good lesson but no one introduced themselves to me and I just fell into that same rut that I always do of just sitting there being too shy to talk to strangers. I was pretty mad at myself for that because I did so much embarrassing and out of my comfort zone things in Japan that I should be able to just do anything. No excuses next time I guess.
Well other then I'm bored at home I don't have much more to say, kind of makes me miss the blogs from when I was in Japan where I would write for hours.
---Ben
So the first weekend back I spent with Cameron, Tyler, Heather and Rob. It was a lot of fun. Other then that I've spent time at home and I'm already feeling really restless. Like I can't stay inside all day just playing video games or watching anime. I love doing those things but I need to get out and do something productive with my time.
I went to institute on Wednesday night and it was a good lesson but no one introduced themselves to me and I just fell into that same rut that I always do of just sitting there being too shy to talk to strangers. I was pretty mad at myself for that because I did so much embarrassing and out of my comfort zone things in Japan that I should be able to just do anything. No excuses next time I guess.
Well other then I'm bored at home I don't have much more to say, kind of makes me miss the blogs from when I was in Japan where I would write for hours.
---Ben
Saturday, May 30, 2009
The last post in Japan
Well folks its been fun but my time is up and I'm heading back home to the good old US of A. On one hand I feel like I just got here yesterday and on the other it feels like I've been here so long I don't quite remember what the states are like. I've cleaned my room and got my luggage just barely under the weight limit. There isn't anything particularly fragile but its so backed I hope it makes it home in one piece.
I've said my goodbyes to everyone for so long I dunno I'm ready. Like I do love Japan and being here has been the biggest adventure of my life but I'm feeling ok about leaving.
For my last day I went to Himeji again and in addition to the castle I went to shosha mountain where there were several temples including some used in the last samurai. It was kind of funny because I was not caring about the fact that these temples were built 1000 years ago, I just wanted to see something that was in the movie! there were some steep hills there on top of the mountain and the heat/humidity was really hitting me today.
I thought I would have more to say for my last post but I really don't. Its been a lot of fun, I did some crazy stuff, hung out with some crazy people and now looking forward to seeing all my crazy people back home.
I've said my goodbyes to everyone for so long I dunno I'm ready. Like I do love Japan and being here has been the biggest adventure of my life but I'm feeling ok about leaving.
For my last day I went to Himeji again and in addition to the castle I went to shosha mountain where there were several temples including some used in the last samurai. It was kind of funny because I was not caring about the fact that these temples were built 1000 years ago, I just wanted to see something that was in the movie! there were some steep hills there on top of the mountain and the heat/humidity was really hitting me today.
I thought I would have more to say for my last post but I really don't. Its been a lot of fun, I did some crazy stuff, hung out with some crazy people and now looking forward to seeing all my crazy people back home.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
I will not miss my host family.
I had to fight back the urge to vomit while eating breakfast this morning. Inside my salad (which I don't like eating for breakfast) was two bugs! I'm not a germaphobe but I can not stand bugs in my food, like I don't think that is an unreasonable line to draw. And as I tried to tell myself it was just the salad not the rest I see all of these bugs running around the counter. What the heck! why doesn't my host mom freaking do anything to stop the bugs from running around where they make food.
And its not just the kitchen there are bugs all over the bathroom, crawling around the sink, on the toothpaste (which they always leave open!) and probably over their toothbrushes. I always leave mine in a sealed plastic bag but I would be freaking out if I had even the slightest thought that a bug was crawling on something that would go in my mouth.
And the other day a HUGE spider appeared in my room, like much bigger then I've ever seen in Arizona. It ran into my closet and I shut the door on him but I was left not knowing if it was still in there waiting to jump out next time I needed to get in.
There is nothing in this house that separates it from the outside. Windows are left open without a screen all day long, everyday regardless of outside temperature. There are big spaces between doors to the outside and no sealing between the wall and the floor.
I really hate how my host mom asks me a question but doesn't wait for a reply just makes some statement how I love gundams or something stupid like that. I totally sense that you have to respect your elders kind of mindset with the way she talks down to me. And she is really full of herself. She'll say stuff like other Japanese people are racist but okaasan (mom) isn't. I dont think she has ever referred to herself as anything but okaasan. And my dad pretty much only talks in sound effects. Like he will be saying he walked from one place to another and to say it was far he just goes "BAAAAAAAAAAA"
Aside from a few things I don't care for the cooking either. Usually I don't have to worry about bugs in my food (although there have been other cases) but I'm just bored by the food and I just eat it because its there, like I would never order it at a restaurant.
I really hate this room too, its so freaking tiny. Tatami mats are stupid now a days. They really are, they don't do anything for the temperature, they are crazy hard to clean if you spill anything, you can easily drop something down the cracks between them, and they break really easily. I've spent so much time in this little room I just can't stand it anymore.
I hate to be so negative about my last few days in Japan but this aspect of the experience took away from the overall enjoyment rather then added to it. Everything else about being here was great, lots of fun with friends, Japanese language class was very effective in the end, and all of the stuff I've seen has been incredible. I just wish I lived in a dorm instead.
And its not just the kitchen there are bugs all over the bathroom, crawling around the sink, on the toothpaste (which they always leave open!) and probably over their toothbrushes. I always leave mine in a sealed plastic bag but I would be freaking out if I had even the slightest thought that a bug was crawling on something that would go in my mouth.
And the other day a HUGE spider appeared in my room, like much bigger then I've ever seen in Arizona. It ran into my closet and I shut the door on him but I was left not knowing if it was still in there waiting to jump out next time I needed to get in.
There is nothing in this house that separates it from the outside. Windows are left open without a screen all day long, everyday regardless of outside temperature. There are big spaces between doors to the outside and no sealing between the wall and the floor.
I really hate how my host mom asks me a question but doesn't wait for a reply just makes some statement how I love gundams or something stupid like that. I totally sense that you have to respect your elders kind of mindset with the way she talks down to me. And she is really full of herself. She'll say stuff like other Japanese people are racist but okaasan (mom) isn't. I dont think she has ever referred to herself as anything but okaasan. And my dad pretty much only talks in sound effects. Like he will be saying he walked from one place to another and to say it was far he just goes "BAAAAAAAAAAA"
Aside from a few things I don't care for the cooking either. Usually I don't have to worry about bugs in my food (although there have been other cases) but I'm just bored by the food and I just eat it because its there, like I would never order it at a restaurant.
I really hate this room too, its so freaking tiny. Tatami mats are stupid now a days. They really are, they don't do anything for the temperature, they are crazy hard to clean if you spill anything, you can easily drop something down the cracks between them, and they break really easily. I've spent so much time in this little room I just can't stand it anymore.
I hate to be so negative about my last few days in Japan but this aspect of the experience took away from the overall enjoyment rather then added to it. Everything else about being here was great, lots of fun with friends, Japanese language class was very effective in the end, and all of the stuff I've seen has been incredible. I just wish I lived in a dorm instead.
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